Thank you all for the responses to my latest deviations. Some of you have privately expressd concern for my welfare.

Shit, sorry, I'm really bad at writing formally.

So some of ya'll have asked if I'm okay, where I got the bruises from. Where they came from isn't really important just now - I'm okay, a little shaken, but all okay. As some of you know, I've been through worse.

But I came home and looked at myself naked in the mirror. I'm covered in these bruises, from head to toe, there are purple splotches in a variety of exciting shapes all over myself. And I wanted to make it into something constructive. In the past, I'd cry and wail and let it all out but never come away feeling like I'd done anything.

And then I remembered the relatively popular images, each of which stated real men don't rape. I'm sorry, but I have to extend that. Rape isn't the only thing that women are afraid of. I personally am afraid of much much more. I'm scared of men who I think might grope me, who might grip my arms until I bruise, who might bite me, scratch me, hit me, manipulate me, coerce me, control me. I am scared of men. With male friends, I usually don't let them hug me until I feel safe. Even with my closest of male friends, I am usually not able to be alone with them in enclosed spaces such as their homes until I can control my fear. I am scared of men who I think will turn me into an object, because turning something into an object is the first step towards justifying violence.

The other night, on the street, as I was going to a vigil for women murdered and the victims of sexual violence, a man grabbed my arm and told me rather crass things about what he'd like to do to me. A few days later, a man wolf whistled at me as I walked past. I didn't take these things as complements. I became afraid. That's not to say you shouldn't tell women if you think they're beautiful, but maybe tone down the "I want to slam you hard" aspect. Does it matter if my clothing could be considered sexually provocative? Does it matter if I have make up on? I would be afraid even in loose, ill-fitting clothing.

So let's think again.

The slogan can't be real men don't rape because, whilst it sounds pretty, it's not really as far as it should go.

Real men don't make women afraid.

That's how I think the slogan should run. Real men don't feel like they have to act tough and harrass women on the street and act violently towards women. Real men are respectful. They understand natural sexual urges and then they understand the difference between these and humiliating women.

Let's go even further.

Real men should believe a woman when she says no, when she says she's been hurt in the past. I understand the cynicism and I know folk have lied about these things before. But when you are so afraid no one will believe you that you can't start to heal from these things, that's dangerous. And not just men, everyone. If a woman - or a man - says to you, I've been hurt in the past, believe her - or him.

I'm exhausted and emotional, so I'm going to leave you with some pretty powerful thumbs. Please please take the time to have a little look.





(oh, like, p.s., dinosaurs.)

x

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